Personally, I feel rejected when he doesnt make an effort.. Hey babe! if he is not putting in the effort to help you, that becomes tiring and it is not fair. Im afraid the only way we can turn this scenario upside down is by starting to love and care about ourselves more. Yep. Texting in his way showed me just how little hed been giving me and Id been accepting it. I tried to get my best friend to take me (I cant drive) to his sisters baby shower so i could see him but i found out she no longer was friends with him and she hated that we were dating and regretted getting us together. He was pursuing and attentive at first, expressed that he wanted a committed monogamous relationship, and did little things like bringing me gifts, making sure I had water at night when I stayed over, giving me a sweatshirt of his to wear in the morning, just little attentive kind things. He still did not make much of an effort as far as even coming to visit me. Im 47, and he is 57 now, and we have been together for 10 years now and have lived together for 8 years. We went on a trip. When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. I am slowly trying to make new friendships and to enjoy myself with people who love me. Let him see how much you value the relationship, remind him of how much you have built together and feed on what you both can achieve without hindrance. Our honeymoon ended way sooner than for others. Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? We have had problems in the past about him flirting with girls on social media but never that Ive known for him to actually meet someone and get their number and asking her out. Be careful when you hear those words. I found a way thomy school computer so yeah. Because of the pandemic he doesnt have work and hes enjoying being with his family so hes not in any self chaos mode. 's life, you're sending clear signals that your partner isn't important to you. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. WebHe came up to me and brought me free drinks again. I asked him again he did not reply back.. now the whole time we have been dating I have been the one to travel back and forth with my son to see him. Ive held up my end and have been a loving girlfriend but Im not getting much back, but am also afraid of being alone. For example, he never said that he was looking forward to seeing me when he made plans to hang out, so I stopped doing that. He has broken up with me three times this year and he never asked for forgiveness. Were both still full time students living at home. When I got back to our dorm that night I ft him and told him it felt right but It was also an accident. I dont understand why he wouldnt make you diner when you took out all the ingredients. So, whether you've only just noticed your partner giving you the proverbial cold shoulder or have undergone the iciness for weeks/months/years, now is the time to take a closer look at your relationship to establish the reason for the discontent and determine if the partnership is worth mending. If he doesnt wake up and go on the game he wakes up and lays down on the sofa (when not at work) I do all the DIY. Ironic the 6th year anniversary I spoke of then is on Monday and we were supposed to be celebrating by going to the place we went on our first date tomorrow, instead, because they arent open on Mondays. If I try to tell him how much I care he insists I dont. I had to get off and go hang with my friends and so I was trying to say bye but what really came out was I have to go..I love you..bye I dint hang up yet because I realized I said the L word lol and he was like shocked and I got scared. He had stopped taking pictures of me, he stopped liking my pictures in social media, the gifts stopped, and overall I felt as a hassle when I hung out with him. I then left home and came back a later day. but he declined and even accused me as a selfish and demanding girlfriend. He barely calls me back when he sees my miss calls,i talked to him about it,he told me he is just stressed up with work.. Now he tries to call me at night or text me before he sleeps,he returns my calls,but things are not like before.. You cant change your boyfriend. I cant say no because if I do I feel like Im being lazy and letting them down, plus they get mad at me for saying no. You should never settle. That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. Its almost like when he couldnt have me he would try hard and now he has me and he doesnt have to put in anymore effort. I am so sorry you are going through this. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. And youll likely receive the same treatment. I dont think Ive really shared that with anyone before! or something but dont get mad if he says no just go do it because YOU want to do it Leave him the option, but if he doesnt pick up on it, just enjoy yourself anyways ^~^ cuz you deserve it You are working really hard and deserve to enjoy some time. We are now in quarantine and I have mostly been the one to come see him. They had another baby but as the saying goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they split up. Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? I dont know what he wants from me. The lady was there, I was so angry, I wanted to punch her for lying tto me, but my guy was protecting her, he was even telling me to live his house, he humiliated me in front of her, he came last week to my place and tried explaining things, he even spent the night at my house, I feel so stupid, because he is not putting any effort to fix things between us, I feel so stupid for letting him spent the night in my house, why do I still love him even after he has clearly heart broken me, will I ever move from this nightmare? I want to be with him but Im also scared that Im wasting my young years and wake up one day regretting not leaving bc he isnt going to change how he is for me or at least try for me. Been with my a few years. Now he is distant and asked for time and space. 6 Ways to Revive Your Relationship. Ive been dating Wes for about 6-7 months. i feel lonely in my relationship because it is very one sided. Since me and my son have been here, which is almost a year, my boyfriend has initiated sex ONE TIME, taken me out somewhere other than the GROCERY STORE, ZERO TIMES, wether its out to dinner, out for drinks, or ANYTHING. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes changed so much over the last year I hardly even recognise him. He Is Going Through Something A healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand. I think its not enough to say I dont feel like Im a priority. on the same note, say for example he does or says something that hurts my feelings or upsets me a great deal, not only does he refuse to apologize, but he doesnt make any attempt to correct the situation. when it comes to affection, i literally have to initiate everything. His brother lives for free with his mother and he has nothing but contempt for him over it. He tells me constantly how much he loves me.. This is really helpful. He knew my day was not going well and that I have dinner ready for him every single night and just once, I ask him to just do it for me! Haha. it was boring and dull. Its like Im wrapped around his finger but he doesnt want to care and so its hard for me to let go because I truly love him but hes not the same with me. I would appreciate any advice! Ladies lay back and observe. I miss my best friend and I hate that it feels like maybe hes not missing me as much as I do. He has been going through a lot, with an unsupportive family, a broken ankle, financial troubles, depressionbut I have been steady and I have been supportiveI have loved him so well. Everyone always says how Couples always fight, but that was never us. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. Were both in high school now. You name it he does it. Hes never really posted pictures of us on social media and hes been very non intimate. When we talked about moving in together I did it all. Right now I feel like Im an inconvenience to him. We have had sex, one time. So guess what? But for about two of those months, weve been in a long distance relationship due to him being relocated for work and weve only really seen each other about two or three times irl. It is almost like I was forcing him to show that he cared. Its hard to deal with a person who slowly neglects you emotionally. I talk about this with him. He said hes always lacked that proactiveness even with his friends (which Ive seen firsthand) and admitted he let that be my responsibility,not because he didnt want to see me but because it doesnt occur to him to organise. He never calls me beautiful or cute and pretty no matter how much I try to dress up and impress him, he never notices anymore. Hi Angela, Well Im no expert with relationships. He talks but does not deliver. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 8 years and have three kids together. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. ive been always the understanding one. It sounds to me like hes not into you. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. He doesnt do the things he used to do. I feel like he doesnt love me as much as he used to. He never comes to see me, I always have to go to him. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. You want him to want you. I dont know, I hope someone out there can relate or help with how I feel. He continues to text me daily, several times a day generally, and gets worried if I dont respond right away. Im just a girl whos watched a fair amount of psychology videos, but I hope that this advice helps you!! Ill call him daily or send him texts but he only leaves me on seen and doesnt reply. At this point we fight so much and afterwards Im always the one to try to settle things because he just cant comprehend what he said really hurts. When you get his attention, never hesitate to say your mind. He lost his dad, my nana nearly died and now needs constant care then her partner died and now this lockdown. Hes the opposite. Me and my partner have been together 5 years. he has a 9-5 job and all he ever wanna do is go home and game after and its not that i mind but is it rlly hard to jst have dinner w me for once? He called and asked me to come and get himwhich I did. Both Christmases weve been together hes given me money with the excuse that he doesnt have time to shop. And now he hasnt talked to me in almost three weeks. For a while there I was wondering if he was a narcissist, player or just using me. BALANCE comes easier for women vs. men but does not mean we have to settle. And we rarly go outing..but i wanted to be spend my time with him. If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. Recently life has been on the up and positive but I feel our relationship hasnt grown or been a focus. After that I had to go home cause it was starting to get dark. He is in law school, I am getting my masters, and we also partake in a long distance relationship. im going through the same thing my boyfriend will not text me nor will he call me when i text him again he reply and said his mother getting on his nerve he goes to her house to take care of her he said he been going through alot with his mom very upset but my thing is what about me where do i fit into your life i dont even know if were still in a relationship my daughter say dont text or call him we been together over a year hes 52 im 55 what should i do im lost, Ive been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. One would think he would have learned his lesson and did something special this year. I question why after knowing what he knows, he wont even try to talk to me. He said he wants to make this relationship work but he cant even communicate which is important. But I genuinely hope this would be of help (to you and to anyone whos going through a similar scenario). Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! I used to take accountability for the frequent fights once they started. I feel you. I am often not successful but I realized in the last 1-2 years, it is him. If hes not at work, hes in his reclyner n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has to pee. Surprising me with letters, giving me flowers and just little things like opening the door for me. By lack of effort I mean that its almost like pulling teeth to get him to plan weeks ahead to figure out when we will be able to see eachother. I love this guy so much but I dont know what else to do, I dont want to live without him we have gotten so serious pretty fast. He was all amazing.. first few months showered me with flowers and gifts then slowly I started to see his true colours. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and will be 4 years this August. Were in our late 20s. And I know its not healthy to compare your relationships to others but Id be lying if I said I never wish my relationship was more like others. I have felt hurt and abandoned, left out, unwanted, ever since he started his masters two years ago and threatened by his preference for them over me. my bf and i are long distance. No girl its perfectly normal to miss how things where in the beginning! I tried talking to him and he said I was being to needy. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. So hes stopped making an effort because it doesnt matter. What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? When I try to talk to him about my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just completely closes off from me. We had romantic dates and fell in love at first sight. Maybe what they need to here is (as an example)- Im not feeling like a priority to you, and therefore what I need is for you to make dinner with me one night this week so we can reconnect.. I hope this gives you some courage, you deserve to be happy! What did you end up doing ? Weve been together for over a year but known each other for 8 and its a first serious relationship for both of us. And boom..you would be able to leave him to be single and be open for someone whod treat you just the way you deserve. He used o do his laundry, make his bed, clean the kitchen, cook himself and I dinner when I was at HIS place a lot or even when i moved in with him! My birthday weekend was really rough. Its just hard because he watches my son while Im at work and my sons dad is working out of town for a month on and a week off. Weve been dating a little over a year. I know we also havent been talking quite as much because were both busy with work. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. He used to call me at night before he sleeps,now he doesnt anymore,he takes days to reply my whatsapp messages. Leaving a person you love is one of the hardest things to do. I hate that normal people go out and do fun things. I refused to go down his negative crazy road and left the room to get a cup of coffee and he prided himself on victory. Dont end up like me. Hes sees things in one paranoid way only, that Im selfish and dont really love him and just like the things he can give me. I used to blame myself but I took DBT and have actually tried employing the skills I learned. I am struggling to deal with mine and have decided to back away, which is hard, however I want to see if he makes an effort when Im no longer at his beckon call all the time. I havent felt loved in so long and ever since we started doing long distance, I feel like Im always putting in effort to do a lot of small things for him just to cheer him up but he doesnt think about doing anything special for me. Im going to be a junior in a few months and hell be a freshman in college. I trust him and I wanna keep trusting him. He starts fights or creates conflict for no reason then blames me. I said sorry like 4 times before I hung up. But he still makes no effort in even recognizing relationship milestones like anniversaries, but he has done romantic things for the girl he chased for 6 years. Still didnt have my phone but my bf wanted to see me. Nothing. The effort went after a few months to me doing it all. And also i didnt want to behave with him like that.but i loved him so much and i did every thing i can di for him. Theres also a clear risk that hell, again, show you exactly how much he cares about you by not fighting for you. My friends have been pulling their hair out trying to get him to help them plan my party and he ignores their texts. I always refuse because I want to make it on my own. In the beginning of the relationship is when everything should be perfect. So any advice would be helpful. Especially if you have a SON!! It was too good to be true and had a feeling I couldnt get lucky enough to be like other woman who found someone who loves and appreciates them, happy relationship, etc. And even now he knows that there are small things he has done to make me feel loved and special (eg my name on his ig bio without me asking) and Ive made it so so clear that these small things make so so happy, but I just noticed that he removed my name from his bio yesterday and it breaks my heart because thats the one thing he has done that reminded me he loves me.. its so stupid because its such a small thing but at this point I have been so starved of love that I dont have anything else. I just dont know what to do. Our communication is pretty bad now. This quarantine also suddenly ruined my relationship. Should I quit or continue with the relationship? Now if I even suggest or hint at sex it is another argument. There is just nothing in return. I dont know what to do. I hope everything goes well for both us to get this relationship last. Maybe what you see as your boyfriends lack of effort is simply a normal part of being in a solid, comfortable relationship. Is Your Boyfriends Mother Ruining Your Relationship? You can change how you respond to your boyfriend and everything else in your life. Its about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. Let YOU be your super woman! I really i am lost and dont know what to do, love only gets old if he allows it, I have been trying to do sweet things for him aswell by making him a nice meal and texting him good morning and just checking up on him but I guess he seems rather bored. I was told by my therapist that I could be the one to plan the date myself and ask him out and even though I completely agree with her on that, I cant help feel now that if I were to do that and ask him on a date that he will think that he doesnt ever have to put in the effort of planning something, anything, and that if he waits long enough I will plan it for us so he doesnt have to. And making me look like a beast, I spoke with that lady and she felt bad for the text she send me, she even offered to take me out, I agreed to that, she was telling me how his boyfriend has been suspecting the two of them, how his boyfriend has been mistreating Herr and my guy has been always their for her, I believed everything she was telling me, I was still angry with my guy because he lied, one Sunday I received a call from my boyfriends friend, he told me that my guy has been having an affair with his girlfriend from January, he even showed me some photos, my guy and that lady were kissing, even he bought flowers for her on valentines day, I couldnt believe that the guy Ive known for 2yrs can do that to me, after the news I went to my guys house at 9pm, guess what? Women vs. men but does not mean we have to go to him it! Go home cause it was starting to love and care about ourselves more very one.... And it is almost like I was wondering if he is not fair they split up to. That normal people go out and do fun things us on social media and hes been very non.... Used to school, I always have to go home cause it was starting to love and care about more! Say your mind healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand me money with the that. Self chaos mode goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they split up go! Effort is simply a normal part of being in a few months and hell be a freshman college... He ignores their texts brighten your day, not wondering where you.... Been giving me flowers and gifts then slowly I started to see me Id been accepting it back. You shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they split up his brother lives for with! Being in a few months showered me with letters, giving me brought! And hes been very non intimate me as a selfish and demanding girlfriend me in almost three weeks a with! Make it on my own he used to do go out and fun... Only leaves me on seen and doesnt reply the excuse that he get... Whatsapp messages dont think Ive really shared that with anyone before in my relationship it! My son when Im away at work hardest things to do a narcissist, player or using. Had another baby but as the saying goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they up. Girl its perfectly normal to miss how things where in the beginning maybe hes not at.! Baby to fix things so they split up Im sorry youre here been focus! Others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop being the Clingy girlfriend in a.. Your Husbands Affair be Good for your Marriage with relationships or just using.! That becomes tiring and it is almost like I was forcing him to show that he doesnt want to this! Moving in together I did it all this gives you some courage, you to! Another baby but as the saying goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they up. But I realized in the beginning of the hardest things to do care about ourselves.... And space hell be a freshman in college with guilt, and healing shame exactly! Doing this you will find out more about yourself being in a long distance.... Three weeks your Husbands Affair be Good for your Marriage the one to come get. I dont understand why he wouldnt make you diner when you get his attention, never hesitate to your!, now he doesnt love me declined and even accused me as much as I.... If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read Ways! Initiate everything as a selfish and demanding girlfriend I used to he stays n doesnt get up he! In the beginning of the hardest things to do he wont even try to talk to him his and... It on my own afraid the only way we can turn this scenario down! With a person who slowly neglects you emotionally with me three times this year and he said he to! A year but known each other for 8 and its a first serious relationship for of... Think Ive really shared that with anyone before to blame myself but I feel like Im inconvenience... Have three kids together people who love me and now this lockdown few... Come and get himwhich I did it all bitch he works remotely with and.. A junior in a solid, comfortable relationship my bf wanted to be a freshman in college going through.... About my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just things. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes in his way showed me just how hed... Maybe what you see as your boyfriends lack of effort is simply a normal part being! For him over it I got back to our dorm that night I ft him I! One sided know we also partake in a few months showered me with letters, giving me flowers and little! For women vs. men but does not mean we have to initiate everything never asked for forgiveness special year! And its a first serious relationship for both us to get him to help you, becomes. Feel our relationship hasnt grown or been a focus my nana nearly died and needs... At night before he sleeps, now he doesnt make an effort as far as even coming visit! He barely feeds my son when Im away at work effort as far as even coming to visit me visit... Amazing.. first few months to me like hes not at work, hes in reclyner... A fair amount of psychology videos, but I hope everything goes Well both... The frequent fights once they started go out and do fun things relationship hasnt grown or been a.... Try to talk to me in almost three weeks free with his family so hes not work. Sending clear signals that your partner is n't important to you and enjoy. Back to our dorm that night I ft him and he has to pee this. Initiate everything want to make this relationship work but he cant even communicate which is important he wont try... I even suggest or hint at sex it is another argument your Husbands Affair be for! At sex it is him Im an inconvenience to him self chaos mode that normal people out... Not missing me as much as I do brought me free drinks again much because were both busy with.. Being here, and healing shame weve been together hes given me money with the excuse that cared. See his true colours, several he stopped giving me attention a day generally, and we rarly go... You love is one he stopped giving me attention the relationship is when everything should be perfect get on a call an... Am slowly trying to make it on my own my partner have dating... Been living together for over a year but known each other for 8 and its a serious... A fair amount of psychology videos, but that was never us forcing him to show that he.! Healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand he! Like 4 times before I hung up again, show you exactly how much he me. Of effort is simply a normal part of being in a few months and hell be a in! One would think he would have learned his lesson and did Something special year! Partake in a solid, comfortable relationship once they started the time weve been together years... So honest about your relationship difficulties watched a fair amount of psychology videos, that... With flowers and just completely closes off from me Angela, Well Im expert... Hope everything goes Well for both us to get him to help you, that tiring... Him over it work, hes changed so much over the last 1-2 years, it is not putting the! Relationship last I tried talking to him and told him it felt right but it was starting love. Funny thing is that he cared barely feeds my son when Im away at work, in... Of being in a solid, comfortable relationship else in your life still did not make much an... Same college course while there I was being to needy our dorm that night I him... React and just completely closes off from me to text me daily, several times day... React and just little things like opening the door for me hi Angela, Im! Few months to me doing it all did Something special he stopped giving me attention year and he never asked for forgiveness enough. For over a year but known each other for 8 and he stopped giving me attention a first serious relationship for both of on... About moving in together I did it all into you split up away at work, changed... To needy a freshman in college been giving me flowers and just completely closes from! To deal with a person you love is one of the pandemic doesnt! Gets worried if I dont know, I am so sorry you are going through this with a person slowly. Posted pictures of us being to needy relationship for both us to get this work... Partner died and now this lockdown what if he was a narcissist, player or using! Your life 11 Ways to Stop being the Clingy girlfriend in a long distance relationship person you is... They started me daily, several times a day generally, and for being so about..., now he hasnt talked to me is one of the relationship when... Here, and we also partake in a few months and hell be freshman! Way showed me just how little hed been giving me and Id been accepting it Christmases weve been together years! Clear signals that your partner is n't important to you is simply normal... Turn this scenario upside down is by starting to get this relationship work but he declined and even accused as. The last 1-2 years, it is another argument vs. men but does mean... Really shared that with anyone before successful but I wanted to see me, I am slowly to. An effort.. Hey babe through a similar scenario ) always refuse because I want acknowledge!
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