But fast forward to my 4th semester, and nothing has changed. If I were you, I'd be tempted to take stock of my overall life situation at this point, perhaps with some input from the people around me, and try to get an objective view of how things really are - they may not actually be as bad as you think. Again, thank you everyone for being SO incredibly supportive <3. @SimonRichter Actually, the field is engineering (chemical engineering) where a BSc is enough for entry level jobs industry. @AbhikTandon: Bear in mind that your advisor has something to lose from keeping you if you're truly not delivering (there's an opportunity cost - they could look for someone better). I even did not spend time on having a relationship. If youre only staying because of that judgement, or fear of what people will think, youre staying for the wrong reasons anyways. Nothing wrong with that. Video game addiction ruined my life. The time is now. I personally agree with this source. You need to learn to enjoy life and accept yourself. The irony is that the work I now do isnt really with transferrable skills from academia. No networking system. Some of them go on to do amazing things. Whether you decide to stay or go, please dont let shame make the decision for you. Or, perhaps your mistakes taught you how to be tenacious, resilient, and brave. My dad did that to me my whole life. Which 2000s R&B/Pop girls had the best (or most underrated) discographies? Initially, my plan was to be in academia. Do they look well? Set yourself free. I know the last sentence is useless in itself, because it only tells you what you need, but not how to do it. In some countries DSc is just what a PhD in biology/physics is called, while in other countries DSc is just honorary, while other countries don't use PhD at all and have only DSc, which are seen as the equivalent of PhD, in countries that have PhD. This might mean pausing your studies for a while to deal with a crisis or its aftermath. But yea my self esteem now is in the holethe smallest assignment or project now feels unconquerable because Im a perfectionist so when the task seems too big I dont even want to tackle it because it seems too much to handle where I used to be able to do things like this no problem. I was so sick of wasting my time working as a bartender/server while I struggled to find meaning in my life. Obey the authority figure. Its hard for the sake of being hard. EDIT: I want to thank all of you for your kind words. I did not do well in my PhD. One is a lecturer who teaches Masters students training themselves for a new career. And I feel extremely inadequate. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I suspect your low self confidence stems from something else and not the PhD itself. How do you turn your academic regret into strength and wisdom? Their mindset is very hardcore about school and I was never in my life hardcore about school. Does the double-slit experiment in itself imply 'spooky action at a distance'? For example, many people pick Psychology because they are interested in issues of the human mind. Some have recovered from drugs or alcoholism. Don't do any irrecoverable mistake now! We werent really allowed to pursue our own interests. It might take you months to find a job. Shop high-quality unique Grad School Ruined My Life T-Shirts designed and sold by independent artists. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. I spent a year prior struggling to find a job after graduating with my BS and when COVID hit, I decided to expand my search to looking for graduate assistantships. If OP goes into industry, the last six years could be well worth it! Oh, and along the way we should meet the love of our life and be married with a baby on the way by 25. Please remember, law school is competitive and the curve is brutal. But instead I said, 'You ruined my life!'". I know this is an old post but yesspent 5 years doing my masters and I quit. Even when I was an adult, my dad was trying to back-seat drive my career with "advice" that wasn't so much him trying to do what was best for me, but what was best for my career. Go get started. For whatever reason, I never did. I've failed to hand in 3 re-sit assignments because of another assignment and my full-time placement job is getting in the way. My work is not appreciated, the fact that I have given up almost everything else in my life is not appreciated. People like to help students. (Again, to put things into perspective, in my field it is normal for PhD students to graduate with 01 publications, and the impact factor of what's considered the leading journal is about 2.3. At U of T, TAs take on duties like grading, demonstrating labs, running a variety of tutorials, holding consultation hours, invigilating tests and exams, and a bevy of clerical . We rounded up all the rotten things teachers do every day to ruin kids' lives. The problems you describe have very little to do with academia, but very much with you. I owe $300,000 in federal loans and I will be on welfare: This makes me seriously suicidal. But, god-willing.. It wasnt much of a mystery why. I ultimately didnt quit, and I dont regret finishing. The project I will be working on is quite big and in a way, I think it has just become too overwhelming for me. I cannot see how any sane minded person can go into this shit and think that what is going on is ok. And theres no shame in it. I have had students whove been diagnosed with cancer, been in serious accidents, or suddenly found themselves as a carer for a family member in bad health. I think I was ashamed, to be honest. Grad school is supposed to be training after all. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Considering that you have also successfully turned that research into publications, it rather sounds like you do have what it takes to succeed. Turn that regret into something constructive. Im adding this final bullet like 5 years after leaving academia. Teaching Assistant for SOC362 Sex, Gender, and Work with Professor Sarah Shah. But each will lead to a possibility. Some are in their 20s, but many are in their 30s, 40s, or beyond. I have only two publications to me, who has a grand total of zero from both the PhD project that fell short of its desired outcome and my first two years of postdoc in which the basically already finished, just this project turned out almost impossible, this is quite a violet slap in the face. Speak to friends, speak to a psychologist, speak to anyone willing to listen, speak to yourself and try to figure out where does this need for accomplishments comes from, so you can move on. There are many dimensions to this project and this project covers a lot of ground (covering an entire geographical area). Another is working as an academic advisor who guides new students fresh out of high school. Somehow, both jobs. In 20 years time, my dad won't be around any more. All of those things need to be in order for you to be happy doing a PhD. You've got a postdoc position lined up, if you want to stay in academia. So, why bother listening to him? Anyone else leave grad school mentally fucked up and find ways to bounce back after? Im here to tell you that quitting grad school doesnt mean you cant have a great career, so dont get hung up on that. Usually, that starts from overbearing parents constantly comparing you to other kids, chastising you for not being as good as some top-tier, stellar performer in your same grade or field, etc. "It's ruined my life, pretty much. I'm saying you have this in common.). Sometimes, a student simply has a bad run of luck. Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. My worry is that I feel I'm behind in life and think I'm late to start career when I graduate at 27. SPOILER ALERT: At the conclusion of this post, I will reveal the lie. I don't know what I should do. I think the program sucks and here is why: Weed out classes that arent substantial. There are companies that will hire you to figure out some chemistry, and team you up with Comp Sci or Info Sys folks that will do all the coding and stuff for reports, data science, etc. My soul is already dead. I accepted this opportunity because that's what it was- an opportunity. If you see that the training is going nowhere, or to a place you dont like, its totally your right to walk away. Hey! Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. You also didn't say what your field is. It's not an admission of failure to discover that you don't enjoy the atmosphere of graduate school. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. And you shouldnt spend your life hating someone else for making the decision for you, whether it was to stay or go. It looks to me like you did not do so badly as you think. I was also wondering how feasible it would be in the future to go back to grad school. Most Black men that are homophobic to gay men are not straight. I have no passion for this project. Having to verbalize your own thoughts and feelings is an excellent way of beginning to understand your thoughts and feelings, and of starting to see a solution. I realized that my degree wasnt preparing me for anything, that I was unlikely to get an academic job, and I wanted out. Theres a great story about mastering out here. I knew my journey of becoming a nurse took longer than others, and I refused to wait and push this back any further. Some people have been in prison for 10 years. It sounds like the biggest issue you have might actually be the one you identified at the start of your post - low self-confidence. Brooklyn College. Youre not the only person who has graduated with a sense of loss, frustration, or shame when you should be feeling pride. I am proud to have earned my J.D. When he'd ask or press, I simply told him that I was only going to speak with him like a member of the family, not someone I was seeking career counseling from. What really killed me in grad school was the extreme judgmental and overcritical culture. These college friends' memories quotes will help you reminisce about the good old times. I wrote a related post on quitting academia. It may feel frightening to tell your parents that you disagree with their plans for your life, but its certainly better to be honest than to waste years of your life trying to please other people. Original Grad School Ruined My Life hats and caps designed and sold by artists. Why was the nose gear of Concorde located so far aft? It sounds like you're unhappy that you haven't been doing those things, which means you'd probably be happier if you started doing them. My RA is fully funded through my entire program and my stipend has been increased since last semester (I was a TA). Tell that person (or those people) to go screw off. I felt I should have not been accepted since I am just not a good cultural fit. I have only two first-author journal publications in ~2.5 impact factor journals. They send us jobs on a linkserv that dont apply for us most of the time. What you have is a highly successful life, at the same time, you are depressed and miserable. When I was 8 years old I had it all figured out. Otherwise all you'll have is a PhD which is empty and meaningless. Be as smart and strategic as you can. If you don't like what you have a PhD in, then go figure out what you do like. Owner and content creator at Way of the Scholar (wayofthescholar.com). No Nature publication will take you out of your dark place. Theyre unable to enroll in the classes they want, they have trouble connecting with their lecturers, or they find themselves living through unexpected financial or medical hardships. How do I explain my failed career decision to a potential postdoctoral/academic manager/employer, when I'm almost seven years past my PhD? What I realized as I got older was that he was trying to coach me to have the career he wished he could have; he was trying to guide his dream job vicariously through me. The culture in my opinion is just straight up cancer. You can find some directions at these posts. Truth comes from authority, defiance will be punished. Irony is that the work I now do isnt really with transferrable skills academia! Nature publication will take you months to find meaning in my life hardcore school! Edit: I want to stay or go contributions licensed under CC BY-SA tell that person ( or those )... Your studies for a new career an academic advisor who guides new students fresh out of high school is. - low self-confidence judgement, or anywhere blank walls aren & # x27 ;.! This makes me seriously suicidal the Scholar ( wayofthescholar.com ) wall art to hang in,. Do so badly as you think in the future to go back to grad school is and... Well worth it to find meaning in my life! & # x27 ; you Ruined my.! Send us a modmail please send us jobs on a linkserv that apply... 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